My cup runneth over.. literally.

The opening went very well except for me. I was a nervous wreck before the show and during the show. I got myself one glass of wine at the beginning and that one glass never seemed to end. A couple of dear friends of mine brought nice wine and kept making sure my glass was nice and full. There I was talking to someone and the glass would be empty and then suddenly a miracle would happen and the glass would be full again. My whole plan for the evening was not to drink too much... yeah that didn't work out so well for me. I ended the night being trashed and stumbling, so classy! I spent yesterday feeling terrible and embarrassed about the whole thing. I'm still trying to get over it but I think it will be a while.

On a positive note, so many great people showed up and I got some tremendous feedback about my work. A lot of people loved it and that made me feel so justified and wonderful. I thank everyone who made it and apologize to you if I drooled on you, said terrible crass things to you, or fell on you toward the end of the night.

I hope I will stop beating myself up about the whole thing.. it really isn't that big of a deal but.. man am I the worst critic and super obsessive. It's all a learning experience in the end.

Some advice for people who are thinking of doing a show/opening. Try to remain calm and take everything in moderation and good stride.

It's hard work! Emotionally and physically. I have spent a lot of time lately battling with the anxiety that comes with putting myself out there. It is a fine balance game of emotions once it is finally out there. Yesterday was one of my hardest days through this whole process. After the opening, not only was I hungover but I was very down in a sense. How I would describe it is like this: you spend several months anticipating this event and getting worked up about the whole thing and nervous. You hang your show and you have mixed feelings about the work. You love your work but can't stop starring at it wondering what it is and who did it. I basically felt like someone was taking over and I was on auto pilot, I'm looking back wondering what happened. Then the big opening day comes and you are so nervous you feel completely out of your skin.. I felt proud of myself and sort of felt like hiding away from it all to protect myself. The love I felt from people at the opening was great. The days to follow are quiet and contemplative. I just wish that I didn't drink as much so that I could truly enjoy the moments thoroughly. But.. it is what it is.

I hope I shake it and learn from it.